Feb 18 2009
A Single Mommy Reflecting
The past ten years, I feel I have let others hold me back, put me down and I have lived my life in self-doubt. No one wants to feel worthless or of no use to anyone. You would always want to know that one person would want you in their life. You want to know that if you died tomorrow, you would be missed by someone.
I’ve let past lovers make me feel like no one else would want me. I’ve let them make me feel like they were the only person who would have me. I would rather have a lover who made me feel as if he was “the lucky one” to have me in his life.
I have realized through prayer that the only way to stop these feelings is to NOT LET others make me feel like that. I LET them make me feel unworthy, so it is partly my fault for giving in to their inclinations.
I have prayed prayer upon prayer, silent and aloud, that God send me the man I should be with. The man who will love, honor, and cherish me. The man who will love me for who I am. I am so ready for him to come into my life, but I have felt as if God is going to put me to the test. If I want this man as bad as I say I do then I will have to withstand the thoughts of self-doubt. When a particular past lover makes me feel like HE is the only man who would have me and I resist his advances and look to the one who I really want and need in my life instead, then and only then will this man of my hopes, prayers, and dreams will come to me and fulfill my life, making me whole inside.
This past week, I have resisted the past lover. I have stood strong and not let this self-doubt consume me. I feel I am on my way to passing this test of God. Now, I wait - My Prince Charming is on his way. I can feel it!
“Let Go Of The Painful Past, Forgive Yourself For Every Mistake, And Start Living The Rest Of Your Life, Today”
© 2009 LaDawn Cossey
It’s a great step to not give in to the comfort of someone old. I know how those psychological pressures can be. Congrats.
As a single mother, too, I’ve found that I really get more comfort when I don’t wait on that great, shining knight to come into my life and love me for just who I am. You have to love yourself, too. Find those things about you that define who you are and shape who you want to be, and romance them. When you see how you’ve ‘got it’, no one will be able to deny that from you.
A healthy dose of fear doesn’t hurt either–as long as it is aimed in the correct direction.
To keep myself from straying back to guys I know aren’t right for me, I imagine how life would be if that was the most I’d ever get. Scares my soul. I’m rather be alone with hope, than with someone and miserable. And being with someone that doesn’t value you, makes you just that. Miserable.